Why Your Child Can’t Just “Get Started” (Even When They Know What to Do)

You tell your child it’s time to get ready.They freeze. Or melt down. Or wander away.Maybe they argue, get distracted, or just sit there.

And you’re left thinking, “They know how to do this. Why won’t they just start?”

Here’s what I want you to know.This isn’t laziness. It isn’t defiance. And it’s not about needing more motivation.

It’s executive function. More specifically, it’s a breakdown in task initiation: the ability to take a known task and actually get it going.

Task initiation is a skill. Not a given.

When a child struggles to start something, we often assume it’s a behavior issue.They’re not trying. They’re being difficult. They’re avoiding responsibility.

But if you’ve said things like:

• “You’ve done this a million times. Just do it.”

• “You had so much time. Why haven’t you started yet?”

• “You said you were going to do it. What happened?”

Then you’ve already seen it. Your child knows what to do, but still can’t move forward.

That gap between knowing and doing is where executive function lives. And when a brain is wired differently, that gap can feel impossible to cross without support.

What this looks like in real life

Here’s how it shows up:

• Your child says “okay” when you give an instruction but doesn’t move

• They get overwhelmed before even beginning

• They avoid the task by talking, stalling, or shifting to something else

• They shut down when the task feels “too big” even if it’s familiar

• They melt down when a non-preferred task comes up

Here’s what’s really happening.

Their brain might be thinking:

• I don’t know how to begin

• I’m not sure what comes next

• What if I do it wrong

• This feels boring and hard and I don’t want to feel that way

  
  

That mix of emotional overwhelm, uncertainty, and trouble holding the goal in mind is what stops them before they even begin.

What actually helps

Let’s talk about what really works.

1. Give the brain a starting cue.Instead of saying “Go clean your room,” try walking in with them and saying,“Let’s find three things to put in the laundry.”Or show them a photo of what the bed looked like when it was made and ask if they can match it.This gives their brain something concrete to hold onto.

2. Use co-regulation, not just instructions.Some kids need help getting their brain moving before they can work alone.Sitting with them for the first two minutes of a task and saying,“I’ll stay right here while your brain warms up,”is often what helps them move from frozen to focused.

3. Say the first steps out loud.A blank or silent moment can feel like pressure. Use words to break it down.“First I’ll find the paper, then I’ll get the pencil.”Or ask them,“What’s the very first step you think we could do together?”Even a small answer helps shift their brain into action.

4. Know that doing something once doesn’t mean they can do it again alone.Executive function skills take time to build. Just because your child has done a task before doesn’t mean their brain will remember how to start it the next time.That’s not failure. That’s a sign they need consistent support.

What to do if this sounds like your child

If these challenges are coming up every day, it’s probably not something they will just grow out of. You may be seeing signs of ADHD, autism, or a profile that needs support in how their brain starts and organizes tasks.

Some families are ready to start with a full evaluation through Playhouse Speech Therapy. Others want to better understand what’s going on before they take that step. That’s where parent coaching through Vivid Embers can help. Coaching is for parents who want to know what to say, how to support their child in the moment, and how to shift their home routines so they don’t feel stuck or overwhelmed all the time. Together, we build a plan that fits your child’s brain and your family’s life.

You don’t need to figure this out alone.

If you’re ready to get help, you can set up an evaluation for your child with Playhouse Speech Therapy or set up a parent coaching consult through my coaching platform, Vivid Embers. If you’re not sure which is right, send me a message and I’ll help you find your next step.