When Independence Feels Exciting… Then Overwhelming

There’s a moment parents love.Your child says, “I want to do it myself.”You see the spark.You see who they’re becoming.

And then… something small goes sideways.

A sleeve is stuck.The homework doesn't make sense.A plan in their head falls apart in real life.

Suddenly the excitement turns into frustration, tears, or walking away.

If this happens often, you’re not alone.And it doesn’t mean your child isn’t capable.

It means their brain and body are still practicing how to stay steady when things get hard.

Why it feels so big for them

Kids want independence long before the skills are fully ready to support it every single time.

Under the surface, they’re juggling things like:

• Holding the plan in mind

• Shifting when something changes

• Managing big feelings that show up when they get stuck

• Trying again without shutting down

That is a lot for a developing brain, especially when emotions are involved.

Some kids need more practice building these foundation pieces.That’s not a flaw.It’s simply where they are on their growth curve.

The trap parents fall into (and it’s totally understandable)

We see them struggleWe step in to helpThey feel frustrated or embarrassedThe whole moment feels heavyEveryone ends up tired

You’re not doing anything wrong.

Your child just needs support learning how to slow down, notice what’s happening, and find their way forward without losing that spark.

What helps

A small shift can make a big difference:

Try tiny starts.

Not the whole zipper.Just the first pull.Not the entire worksheet.Just the first problem.

Then pause.Check in.Celebrate the try, not the result.

It builds confidence without overload.It protects the desire to be independent.

Over time, those little reps strengthen the inner skills kids use to stay calm, restart, and finish.

Why this matters long-term

When kids don’t yet have tools to stick with a challenge, they start believing:

• “I can’t do it”

• “I always mess up”

• “Someone else should do it for me”

We don’t want that story to grow.

We want them to feel:

• “I can figure things out”

• “I can pause and reset”

• “I can try again even when it’s hard”

That belief becomes confidence.That confidence becomes independence.

How I help

In therapy, we practice these skills in doable, playful steps.Kids build tolerance for “tricky moments” instead of avoiding them or melting down.

It starts small, and we grow it together.

Parents tell me they see:

• A calmer nervous system

• More willingness to try hard things

• Bigger pride in themselves

• Less arguing and shutting down

• And more natural independence at home

If your child is hitting that wall between “I want to do it” and “I can’t do this,” I’d love to support you.

You don’t have to figure it out alone.